You know who loved kidneys? Leopold Bloom. James Joyce wrote in Ulysses that they gave his palate "a fine tang of faintly scented urine". (no complaints to the editor please, it can't be disgusting, its literature, innit?)

But someone else who loves a kidney are Denia pool designers. Why have a rectangular or round pool when you can have a kidney? Maybe its to help young handsome real estate agents trying to identify properties from Google Earth. Until you realise that everybody in the area has the same shape of pool.

Buck Mulligan looked out on the Irish sea and said "the sea, the snotgreen sea, the scrotumtightening sea". Not the crystal blue sparkling Mediterranean then, which is only a couple of minutes from this classy villa. 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, large living spaces, terraces, summer kitchen and barbecue area, everything you would expect. Its a lovely property in a lovely town.

Or as Stephen Dedalus said "The leaning of sophists toward the bypaths of apocrypha is a constant quantity. The highroads are dreary but they lead to the town".

Hey, don't ask me, I gave up after the first 50 pages.