Here we have a decent property with a slightly uninspiring colour scheme and I reckon the owner is the sort of person who only eats the ham and cheese variety of sandwich and vanilla ice cream* but I’m sure a windswept and interesting individual like you can jazz this place up with colours, kaftan rugs, uncomfortable furniture, bedouin prints and musical instruments you have no idea how to play, so bring along your bric a brac, anything and everything should go here in this, shall we say, rather dull property.

On the upside it is also a manageable size on a low maintenance plot, well located for schools, metros and trips to the city and its single storey layout will be perfect for anyone whose knees, hips and/or ankles have seen better days, like mine, that wild bohemian lifestyle sure has taken its toll.

Things can only get better with your deft touch and impeccable aesthetic, come and breathe some life into it.

*Popcorn is also rubbish