Of course these are all tongue in cheek and we have never heard any estate agent say these at all, honestly!
“Your neighbours all around you voted Brexit then left the UK before the sh*t hit the fan!”
“The current owners are moving out due to ill health, they got sick of the sight of each other!”
“The previous owner ran a cannabis farm here and the police have put in that reassuring camera you can see on the lamppost outside.”
“The current owners are foreigners too but they have run out of money due to not being able to get a job.”
“Yes it’s an inheritance, the owner died on this very spot when some roof tiles fell on him during a storm”
“Yes it’s on a flood plain but don’t worry it only rains about twenty days per year.”
“All the furniture stays!”
“Don’t worry about the damp patch, it’s a lot smaller than it used to be.”
“That smell is just because the toilet hasn’t been used for a long time not because of any remaining odours from the dead bodies.”
“It’s just five minutes into the nearest town, you have a helicopter don’t you?”
- “Don’t worry about learning the language, the local restaurant has photos of all the dishes on the wall”
- “The local shop is excellent, the Daily Mail is delivered every day.”
- “It’s very handy for the airport… I said, IT’S VERY HANDY FOR THE AIRPORT”
- “Your neighbours are all Brits who came here to escape from the immigrants.”
- “And just to give you that flavour of authentic Spain there’s a flamenco guitarist and dancer living directly next door and these walls are really thin so you get to enjoy them all night”
- “There’s a firework factory underneath you too, Valencians love their fireworks” (A niche one for Valencia here.)
- “Why is it so cheap? Just don’t google this address, you won’t find anything that happened here… nothing at all.”
- “It’s a bit of an off road property, and off track, and over the field, and then you climb over this farmer’s wall, then run past the bull… very convenient for anyone wanting peace and quiet”
So we would like you to suggest other “Things we’d like to hear“. Can you come up with some that you wouldn’t like to hear from your agent? In the ones above we have contributions from a couple of people I know, thanks Maya and David, we’d love more from you too.
Check out “Things you are unlikely to hear on a property show below with the brutal one coming in after around 2 minutes. This will give you an idea of what you could maybe include in your joke.
And we liked this one too
If you liked this then maybe check out some of our past posts below. Just click on the images