Zooming You From Prison

In these pages we have talked before about the, let's say, quirky nature of property owners in Valencia and Spain as a whole but until today we haven't had to talk about the threat of our next consultation call being from behind bars. So today we are going to talk about an ultra-quirky owner and why you might have a zoom call or whatsapp conversation with me from Carabanchel (Spain's equivalent of Alcatraz, Wormwood Scrubs or the Salt Mines of Siberia.) And this week our theme music is provided by the Smiths.

Strangeways Here We Come

In order to work with our clients, buyers, we sometimes have to work with these quirky owners. You can see some of our other articles about owners and what we put up with in the related posts below, just click on the images. Sometimes though quirky becomes absolutely hatstand crazy and that is what has happened this week.

I Know It's Over

I've been reported to the police. 

On Thursday morning we had a mail and call from a woman, let's call her Amparo because everyone in Valencia is called Amparo and there's a small matter that this was actually her name. She was interested in a property for sale in Olocau. As I was busy with meetings I said I'd ring back later or get one of my colleagues to.

Later we replied, after consulting with the listing agent, that unfortunately the property was sold and that we hadn't been informed. This often happens because in the swirl of things to do on selling a house one of the things owners tend to forget is to inform all of the agents who have the property. 

Anyway she kept phoning me and I was still with clients so couldn't answer Eventually I did. The conversation went like this 

What Difference Does it Make?

Hello I'm interested in the house in Olocau

OK, I believe my colleague has answered you by mail.

Yes but that's my house. 

OK, so you bought it. Congrats.

Why is it on your webpage?

Because the agent gave us the photos and didn't tell us it had been sold.

It was never for sale. It's mine. 

How long ago did you buy it?

That doesn't matter, I've just got back from the Guardia Civil where I've reported you.

And I'm bothered because...? We were given photos...

Did you check it was available for sale?

Of course. The agent who had taken the photos passed it on

It was never for sale you have to check with the owner not the agent

Erm that's not exactly how we work and evidently it was for sale because they wouldn't have been able to get photos otherwise... We or rather they definitely didn't sneak into your house and take....

You're going to prison. 

Really, what for exactly?

You'll see. 

If you want when I get in I'll send you the details of the agent who sent us the....

I don't care, you're in trouble

Look if you keep interrupting me while I explain I'll hang... 

Don't you dare... (And then I assume "Hello, Hello, Hello, there's nobody there)

Bigmouth Strikes Again

So I phoned my lawyer of course.

"Just give her my number and don't talk to her any more".  


I did that and ten minutes later he called me

"You might have to go and declare at the court in Lliria"

"Why exactly?"

"Because she is a mad woman. Just block her number and mail now she has mine. She doesn't even know your name"

So I did. I now live a life of at least one Amparo fewer...

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

Now things work slowly in Spain. Once my girlfiend's bag was stolen in Oviedo at the bus station and by the time the passport in it was found and returned we lived in Valencia, had changed address and country a couple of times, had been married for ten years, meaning her surname was now different, and we had a kid and mortgage.

That was bloody good detective work but point being, it took a long time.

I now await the inevitable knock on the door from the police. It may come next week, next month, next year or long after I have shuffled off this mortal coil and joined the choir invisible but it will come and they will invite me to make a declaration at the court in Lliria. The judge will listen to me, sigh and archive the case because we haven't actually done anything wrong.

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

This has been a stressful week all round as we help people to buy the property they want and to get the purchases over the line. Let's just look at a few of the issues that have come up this week.

  • The square metres not matching the real space available in an apartment. (Mezzanine floor issues)
  • A property being VPO but just one year out from not being VPO. (More on VPO in a future blog post)
  • A buyer having signed their FEIN mortgage documentation at a different notary, the one that the bank insisted on, to the one agreed on the sale document for the final sale. This means all of the documentation had to be transferred to the agreed notary and signed again.
  • An owner not accepting a full price offer because they might want to found a co-living space in the apartment... perhaps... at some stage in the future... maybe...
  • A buyer not making an offer until they know how much the reform might be and them giving many different options to quote on for the reform company so the quote is... taking time...

So we could have 5 agreed sales this week along with the two where there are no issues and offers have been accepted, or we could have none. All or nothing or something in the middle there. I'll take a punt on three of the issues being sorted but it might be that we manage to sort them all.

Last Week's Podcast - This Charming Man

Last week on the podcast we introduced all of the new businesses we have running and talked about what has been happening in the background during the summer where we continued to post blogs and content all over social media. It was called "The New Projects Episode". Have a listen and share it with friends

The Big Change Coming This Week - Panic

We have a huge change coming up on the blog this week and hopefully you won't notice it at all. We are moving off Wordpress and onto our new platform and hopefully everything will stay the same and the only thing you will notice at the front end is a much quicker, not to say lightning, loading speed.

Let's just say that fingers, toes and even eyes will be crossed when the change happens in the hope that nothing major or even minor goes wrong. There's a huge amount of work and information at stake. The urls should stay the same, the links in the articles should stay the same, the google rankings should stay the same and yet all I can think about is what if...? Wish us luck.

Stop Me if You Think You've Heard This One Before

If you liked this then take a look at our other articles where we mention owners and their caprices. Just click on the images below.


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